I am exhausted.
The woman next to me tries to settle her toddler. The husband has the daughter. Neither wants to sleep. I feel for them.
But I am still exhausted.
My problems aren’t smaller than theirs. Neither are they bigger. They are just mine.
I let myself be energetically drained, and then, from that space, made a series of bad decisions, that got me to here.
When I got my first tattoo (ahimsa, or non-violence), I got it to remind myself that not looking after myself was tantamount to abuse. Neglect is a form of abuse, especially when it is my responsibility to look after myself.
And why is that so important?
Aside from the fact that it is considered a gift to have a human birth, it’s because we are just little expressions of the Divine.
In India, the greeting namaste is to signify that the divinity within me is greeting the divinity within you. It is the connection of two incarnated souls.
This is why I am not happy with my behaviour.
As Jesus said, “I and my father are one”.
I needed to be still and know that I am God.
Then I would know how to look after myself.
In the Indian tradition, a guest who comes to your house is considered to be like a God and that is how s/he should be treated.
So how would I treat myself if I were a guest in my home? As an afterthought? Pulling out all the stops? With kindness? With love? With generosity? With gentleness?
I knew the answers.
Now I needed to look after me and the divinity residing in this physical form.
I think I just needed to get to this place to be reminded of that first.