I have talked about not-feeling in this blog before. It’s the perfect way to keeping going, to carry on, when everything is threatening to drown you.
What if you then stop? What if circumstances overtake you and you start very slowly to see cracks in the facade that has been unconsciously, so carefully crafted? What if, even when you’re trying to hold back the tide, you’re just like that little boy with his finger in the dyke? What if that is you? What do you do?
The tsunami is coming, your finger is in the dyke, and you realise that there is only one thing you can do. You run.
You run and run and run and run. And then the flood comes and you know that you’re ready to hold onto anything to survive. You just need to keep your head above water, even if the log you’re holding onto is covered with splinters. You just need to stay alive.
You survive, and you find a boat to live on. You know it’s not ideal, but you don’t see another way. They say that we shouldn’t judge people for the choices they make; we don’t know what options they had.
I had always been very quick to judge, not understanding why people don’t take the road less travelled. Experience has taught me that even when one does take the road less travelled, there are going to be times when rest is required. At other times, it may mean backtracking, or even hitching a ride.
What I’ve come to realise is that all that matters, is that you’re moving in the right direction, no matter how long it takes to get there. And even crawling suddenly becomes an acceptable mode of transport.
So don’t be as hard on yourself as I have been on myself in the past. I’ve found that I actually end up moving much faster when I’m willing to live my life with generous sprinkling of kindness and compassion. I know find it so easy to do for others, especially my patients and children, but why it is so hard to apply the same principles to ourselves?
We all need that support and we look to it outside ourselves. While that helps, there is an inner strength we must build, a strength that comes from a power greater than ourselves.
Source, God, the Universe, call it what you will. It is this faith that helps us surrender to the log or boat that comes out way. We know that it’s just a stepping stone on the immense journey ahead of us. And there are good stepping stones, and ones that are less so, ones that wobble and make us think that it’s the last one we want to take.
So have faith. You are on the right track. As I once I read, what you are going through, is simply preparing you for everything you have asked for. Now just be prepared to do what is required.