As we waited for our COVID tests, the usual suspects presented themselves: the scaredy-cat, the chatty, brave one and the pragmatic one. My three kids.
My three, beautiful children.
As the lady did the test, she told me that she wanted to keep the chatty one, the one that I sometimes feel has swallowed a parrot. She said everyone needed a child like that in their house. I countered, saying it was the pragmatist that was most important.
She disagreed. She said that the joy and street-smart that she saw in the one she’d chosen was, by far, the most important.
As she continued her job, being as gentle and kind as possible with the scaredy-cat, I observed my children, the three parts of my personality, if you will.
What was I neglecting and what did I need to nurture? What did I think was important and what was I not seeing the value in?
I had to ask myself, where was the joy in showing up in doing what was necessary all the time?
And by attempting to be carefree, was I trying to turn a cat into a dog by denying the essence of who I thought I was?
What does balance look like?
Like my asymmetric hair cut? Long and feminine on one side, and short and sexy on the other? A bit of both?
Or by trying to get both, was I getting nothing of either? I never felt sexy or feminine enough. Did I need to pick a side and own it?
My young pragmatist doesn’t ever think of wearing more jewellery or carrying a handbag just for show. She know who she is. The same goes for the girly girl I have.
Who am I? Confused? Finding myself? Reinventing myself? Exploring myself?
As I spend more time with family, I keenly observe the ones that haven’t changed over the years. Despite their natural evolution, they are true to their essence. The hard-wiring doesn’t change.
So if my DNA is set and everyone else can see it, why, with all this apparent self-awareness, can I not?
And that’s when I realised that it wasn’t about balance, rather about integration.
I could be classic, quirky and practical all in one joyful snowball. (My superpower is how cold I am).
It wasn't about choosing a side, black or white. It was about inclusiveness and idiosyncrasies.
In the words of Sadhguru, “all the rules are my rules.”
Indeed they are.
Indeed they are.